[Living]

I just want to scream this is so hard. I’m having trouble with being patient in all of this. I’m sure over time that I will get better at it.

I’ve listened to all the reasons that my H wants out of this marriage. Some of the reasons really piss me off. It’s like he just doesn’t want to do the work that a marriage requires. He makes a statement that he’s bored with the routine and wants to get out and do the things he’s been wanting to do. Yet he spends his weekend being his same old boring self. Sleep by 7 pm on a freaking weekend. Not once does he go out and do anything that he claims will give him joy.

I’m wondering if all the reasons that he’s given me about why he wants out are a lie. Perhaps he just doesn’t want to be married anymore and wants to live the single life. He says BS like, I’ll always love you, I’ll probably be single for the rest of my life. Because if I couldn’t make it work with you, why would I try it with someone else. He’s convinced that leaving our home to go live in an apartment will bring him happiness. He’s nuts.

So today, I messed up. I asked him how soon did he think it would be before he moves out. He said he wasn’t sure that it wasn’t a rush. Hugh? So you want to continue to stay in this marriage and be unhappy and miserable? He then said that he wants to wait until we finish the projects that we have to finish in this house. I said I can pay someone to finish them. He then says that it makes no sense to pay someone when he can do them.

He lastly says that when I get to the point where I can take care of the bills in the house myself (I just picked up more income) then we can talk about it.

Guys I think my emotions are getting the best of me. I don’t understand what the hell is going on with this dude. He professes his love for me daily but wants to leave me. Yesterday he said he feels bad for giving up on me. None of this makes freaking sense. Now I know that I’m thinking with logic and he’s not. What the hell kind of magical joy does he expect to find alone in an apartment? When I first suggested that he move out, he was all...so I can just be alone in an apartment. However now he’s good with that option. I’m just so freaking pissed at him that I just want him gone. I want him to go out and find this happiness he’s looking for. I’m just so freaking PISSED. You want to blow up our marriage because you’re bored, confused, unhappy, and tired of the routine. Not to mention that when you’re out on your own, you’re going to develop a freaking routine. He’s just to freaking lost in this cloud of stupidity to realize that. WTF? I married the wrong freaking man.