... but I just could not do that to someone else... invite them into this situation knowing all the while that I’m not over my marriage and that my marriage is not [legally] over. It would be the height of selfish behaviour, I think
When I think of my H dating, I think that it is incredibly selfish of him. His response of 'we've been separated for 7 months ... this is what we are supposed to be doing" (he didn't say the this is what we are supposed to be doing bit, but that's what he meant) didn't quite cut it with me. But, then I am looking at it from my own lens and my own values. Right now, I could not fathom starting another relationship. But the thought of casual intimacy has crossed my mind more than once, and sometimes I even rationalise it with an "as long as I am upfront about what I want and what I can offer". But these thoughts pass because I know they are coming from a place of loneliness and I AM BETTER THAN THAT. I won't lie, the need to be held at times can be overwhelming.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
The one he was the closest to and he looked up to the most passed away a few years ago. He left behind his wife of at least 50 years. (((HUGS)))
They say that MLC is sometimes triggered by the death of someone they are close to. A spiritual crises of sorts. It makes them face their mortality, question the choices they've made, wonder if there is more and if it is too late. H's grandmother who practically raised him, died a few years ago. I think it all built up culminating in him turning 40 at christmas. Doesn't change anything. We are where we are, but it's something to think about anyway DjV.
Originally Posted by Grace21
The more I am finding happiness in doing the things I enjoy for MYSELF and just the very small pleasures of life (like seeing a mommy duck followed by 10 babies on my walk a few days ago), the more it makes me sad H probably has no inner happiness.
Finding little moments of happiness - watching D12 having her eyebrows threaded, the way she held her breath because it hurt so much but did not waver in her resolve to have it done. Watching her growing up she reminds me more and more of me. For a moment I was happy. [Censored] our H's and their inner unhappiness. It is not our problem.
D12 reminds me of H too. She has a short fuse and when she is sad, everyone suffers ...
