Thank you for your support FS and Djv. You helped me get back on track. Friday night was just such a lovely evening,Sounds cheesy, but if I had spend an evening like this with another guy, I would assume there is hope for more, but well it is probably because of all these years together. And you are right, he can not give me more then friendship at the moment, that is already so much more then we had over the last year. And I don’t think I want to loose that again, so no talks an consequences. I will see how the next weeks will go before I decide the Christmas question.
So I made it through day one of moving weekend. S15 and H were at his place all day. S15 went straight to his room afterwards and ito his video games. Must have been a strange feeling for him. I ran some errands, went running took a nice long bath and after S12 returned from play date watched a movie with him. Tomorrow morning I too will go on a hike with a meetup group. Looking forward to fresh air and exercise and maybe some nice conversations. I am dreading the afternoon/ evening though, when he will eventually leave. He will come back the next couple of days for more stuff, but he will leave for the night. How do you say good bye. Or do you not? I hope the kids won’t start crying, because then I will not be able to keep my face. I did a pretty good job with that today. Talking with him about how everything went at his place and the stuff he bought, like He was just a neighbor moving. One time I was getting a little sentimental, when I was talking about a silly shopping bag that I had almost lost, that was a present from a former class. As if loosing a shopping bag compares to loosing your husband of 18 years. But for a tiny moment I also had the feeling that he was getting teary. He was turning around and blowing his nose and had very tired eyes. I wish there were a medicine or drug that could suppress tears or better even feelings. I would just use it this one time.....
I also offered him to come for dinner Monday night, since he said he did not even have any groceries at his place yet and he will still have to get stuff from here anyway.Maybe I should not have done that. Well it is a learning curve.
