Thank you FS. I appreciate your kind words. I am being tested again today. I was on my banking app...this isn’t new. I’ve done it our whole marriage. It is has always been my job to keep track of finances. Anyway... I noticed my H was in a city about an hour and a half away from where we live last night. There was a charge from a restaurant. It wasn’t a lot, however, so it looks as if he paid for himself and no one else. Still...he has no reason to be there that I am aware of so of course I am assuming the worst and trying to come to terms with it. The serenity prayer is helping. I also took my dog for a walk. Today he made a cash withdrawal from our chequing account. Not much... only $40 but still... that tells me he doesn’t want me to know what he is doing with the $ as we have always used our Visa for everything. For all I know, he is still in the city. Sigh... I wish my H was the kind of person who wouldn’t cheat on his spouse but alas, I know that he is. He has a history of it with his first marriage - he’s actually cheated on her when they were engaged which is how he got D18. And she still married him after she found out about it - about two months before D was born. He told me about it early on in our relationship. I chalked it up to him being young and immature. Guess I was wrong. I think it would be really, really easy to try to fill up the hole this crisis has caused with the kind of excitement that comes with dating and meeting new people but I just could not do that to someone else... invite them into this situation knowing all the while that I’m not over my marriage and that my marriage is not [legally] over. It would be the height of selfish behaviour, I think. Of course, with my H, what else is new? Anyway... I am okay. Breathing, and striving to be better and rise above. I WILL get there.
