13 years and two small children

[Hurt213]

Journaling:

Thank you very much for that very thoughtful insight.

Tonight I came home from a birthday party with the kids (first time WW was not attending a family party) - It was weird at first, but we ended up having a really great time, and actually I didn't think much of her.

When we came home, the house was cleaned, and WW was really interested in hearing about our day. I told her "We had a great time, thank you", and then I attended to my kids needs.

Later, when the kids were tugged in, she asked to talk to me, and I sat down and listened. Here are the major points of the conversation:

She told me, that she was currently in contact with OM (I almost upped and left the room, and told her, that I was not interested in any details, and if that was what this conversation was about, then we should just end it right here). She then rushed that, she was no longer head over heels in love, and that they were not going to be a thing for long (I then shut her down and said if she had anything of importance, that she needed to tell me).

She proceeded to tell me, that it had been difficult on her, not to be part of the birthday party today, however it had been nice to have a whole day for herself, something she had been longing for when we where together. I just said that I could understand how it must had been nice to have a day where you could do what you wanted to.

She also said, that she was firm on her decision to sell the house and move apart, as she had no interest in reconnecting and / or working on the problems we had with out old relationship. I said I understood, and that I too couldn't go back to the way things were, that I had found joy in the activities I had taken up since we parted, and that she had changed as well.

She said she didn't have the kids interest in this, and that her psychiatrist had told her, that if she didn't leave, she would be in a depression within the next 6 months. She has a powerful wish to move and be on her own (we have been together since young age), and she felt like it was very important to stand on her own legs, and make her own choices. I told her, that I believed differently when kids were involved, however I could see what she meant.

She said she didn't think she could be with me again because she had given her heart to someone else ( OM ) - I said I could understand how that could be hard to deal with.

Her psychiatrist had told her, that she was basically being pulled from between two strings 1. the urge to be on her own and 2. family life. If she didn't let go of the family life, the aforementioned depression would kick in.

The psychiatrist told her, that she would meet not 1,2 or 3 but maybe even more new men before she found the right one, but she had to let go and leave. <--- I failed in validating at this point unfortunately.

I told her that I found that advice to be real bad. We know what the problems in our relationship were, we should work to solve those. We have two little kids, and by leaving (even if just for two years), that would have great impact on them.

I told her, that I would really like to sit down with her and her psychiatrist, and maybe she could shed some light on why, she directly advised my WW to leave (I don't really think she did, and WW became a bit anxious at my suggestion) she told she would schedule a private consultation first, because things had changed with OM, and the situation was different now, and then after maybe we could do a couples session so she could get the psychiatrist to back up her statements.

All in all she seems to be firm on leaving us just to see how it is to live alone, even with the consequences it will have on the kids.

After that the conversation fizzled, and I said good night.