Gosh Davide...what a thoughtful thread you have going. So much of what I have been thinking lately is what you have been writing about. I think I am finally starting to work my way towards detachment...take ownership of my own contributions to the demise of my MR...let my H go with love. I’ve recently realized that while I have always considered myself to be open minded and flexible in many, many ways... there is also a part of me that is quite controlling. Ugh... I hate that word. I never, ever wanted to be that. I need to figure this part of me out so that when I am in my next R, either with my H or someone else, it is not a factor. Learning how to let go, how to not sweat the small stuff, caring less about the dirt on my kitchen floor and more about the spirits of the people who put them there. That is the person I want to be and I have strayed from that goal over the years. This crisis has opened up my eyes and I am eager to get back on the right path...even if it is one that I have to walk alone. I am also learning that there is a difference between solitude and lonliness. Maybe it is because I am a twin and have never been without a “partner” in my life but I have always had difficulty discerning the difference between the two. For me, they have always been the same. My H is very different. He is an only child and has been comfortable with solitude for a very long time and, in fact, needs it. This has been difficult for me to accept and to not take personally but I am getting there...finally. Anyway... I really hope that your birthday party works out great and that the people who are there are exactly the people that should be there. Best wishes!! I hope you next year is filled with happy surprises.
