but she understands how I need to get some space from her (what does this mean?)
She's saying if you had any self respect (no offense) you would not want to be in close contact of her. You wouldn't want anything to do with her. It means that she KNOWS she doesn't deserve you! It means she KNOWS she is doing you wrong.
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She also said, that OM had texted her yesterday and once again "spread a doubt about wether he wanted to be with her or not", WW had said that he was clearly using her for his own needs, and would throw her away again as soon as he got bored, as he had already done twice - WW said that it was because he was confused.
Did she say this to the female friend, or you? B/c if she's saying this stuff to you, that's very unacceptable. It's bad enough she's running around on you......but she should not be discussing her affair with OM as though it was casual conversation over the family dinner table. Make sense?
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This morning, she hardly said anything, she even passed right by me, without saying good morning. She is acting really cold and distant, and I seem to be a nuisance to her at the moment.
Well......yeah! Look, a woman can only truly desire one man at a time. I'm not talking about getting horny or even having sex. She could have sex with a half dozen men in one day, but it doesn't mean she was in love with any of them. She can have sex with her H, and not be love with him. I'm saying if the OM is in your W's head/heart, she's not going to desire to be you the way a wife should desire her husband. I want you to remember what I've told you, cause she is going to play lots of games with you......I can almost see the handwriting on the wall. The sooner you get fed up and stop putting up with her cr@p, the better. The sooner you drop her, the better off you'll be.
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I am finding it hard to figure out how to 180 correct since: being reserved, not telling her how I feel, not flirting enough and not showing her affection has been things she pointed out was missing, and was things she needed.
Before making that statement above, you wrote about how your W was making plans to be with the OM again...….so you see the answer is to flirt and be affectionate? Even if this was a complaint previously, it certainly is not what you do when a woman is cheating on you. You aren't in a competition for your W! Why are you feeling the need to be good enough for her to choose you over the OM? There's something wrong with that picture.
180's don't mean you start doing everything to fix her complaint list against you. There may be a few things, but most things that would be considered something you'd keep strictly in a MR (like affection and flirting), you avoid until she ends the affair. 180's can be about most anything, but usually we think in terms of improvement as a man. You can improve as a man without flirting and giving her affection. As long as she's in an affair, you can't act as if you would if she wanted to be faithful to her H...….b/c she doesn't. See what I mean?
Look, you need to stop engaging as if you are trying to win her. Stop hanging out with her, or with her friends. Start leaving the house and getting a life apart from her. You can be friends who have no connection with her. Do you have male buddies? Hang out with them. Find things to do away from her. Don't discuss what you're doing, where you're going, with whom, or when you'll be home. You don't need what she's doing, nor the treatment she's giving you.
Are you having sex with her? This is dangerous when she's in an affair. Not to mention STD's, I remember a couple of cases where H's were duped into believing they fathered a child, only to discover otherwise, later. So, please be careful.
As for the letter.....well, you've already sent it. Guys feel better afterwards, b/c it acts as lever to release some pent up emotions. Anyway, I really hope you can muster the strength to walk away. I think that's the only hope of having a better future with or without her. Sometimes the WW has to see she has really lost her H out of her life, before it brings her to her senses. Even then, the H has to be very sharp and not fall into her web of deceit.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
