Whirlwind of Hurt 4

[Twofeet]

I will update you all later on the recent changes ie the move once it plays out.

I have been reading Ballast thread and his self reflection of what it looks like of him not being able to meet a modern womans needs. (Ballast if you read my sitch please chime in) I hope he doesn't give up and go MGTOW. Those guys seem to be a bit toxic in their own way. Anyway, his posts got me thinking of my own sitch. I started remembering convos post-BD while I was still in the LBS fog. It can be hard to keep tract of things when you are in a LBS fog or what I would further describe as survival mode. I digress, a convo I remember mostly pre-bd, but hints of it early post-bd that W would say to me is that I want a more submissive W, that I would want a submissive Asian wife, although to be honest I don't know any women from these countries to say if this is a stereotype or not. W would say I am too dominant, too strong, too much a leader. She would say she wants more of a partner. She wanted me to be more passive. It seemed like she wanted to be the things she was describing. She wanted an equal partnership while indicating she wanted to be the leader of the R. I would counter with a partnership, at times both leading, but also each partner leading at times individually as needed. Especially leading in areas of strength. She never liked that answer, it always felt like she wanted total control. When I would give examples of when and where she was leading us she would say you were apart of that decision making process. I would say yes I was, but it was a direction you wanted to take I wasn't apposed of it so I went a long while you lead the way.So I see a lot of talk on the forums about guys being to passive/beta/NGS, and W losing respect and leaving because of it. Can the opposite be true as well? Can a H be too alpha/dominant or is it a function of W leaving due to her own insecurities and or other problems?

Sometimes I feel like this is my W having one final spoiled fit for not always getting her way. My Dad and I had a convo earlier this week about how he thought one thing that lead to our D was W always wanting material things, usually above our means. She would constantly pressure me for them and I wouldn't budge, or relent after a long time. I told my Dad the problem is when you don't have it you can't spend it and she would have put us in bankruptcy if she was in control of our finances. Dad asked if W knew this. I told him when her complaints got to be too much I would pull out our budget sheets, make a financial report and that would open her eyes and silence her complaints.... for a while, until she started wanting things again. Dad said you should have just given over the finances to her and said look you want all these things, then you are in control of the money, but if you bankrupt us, I am out and we are through. Dad said remember what W father said when you wanted to marry her. Yes I said he warned me she was high maintenance, she always would be and that it would cause me problems, FIL made a joke about no refunds or returns. Dad said in his opinion W parents are good people, with good values, tried to do there best like all parents, but where they failed was giving too much too W, and never teaching her the value of a dollar she would have to earn, setting limits, etc. Basically he was saying they spoiled her. He said him and FIL had a very brief convo about the D at an event for the grandkids. Dad said his impression is FIL is extremely disappointed in W and is basically washing his hands clean of the whole mess. Unfortunately, MIL as usual has been caving in and buying W's affections. It is part of the reason why W has been leaving some household items behind. The unfortunate conundrum is that my W in turn does the same to my kids. I saw this while M and I really see the problems it will cause down the road post-D. My Dad related a story to me of some work friends of his that D. The H was the disciplinarian and the W spoiled the children and always bought the kids affection. The kids didn't turn out too well.