Of course people's upbringing has a major impact here. My family really didn't talk about important things... we just didn't. But I think this is something I can work on. Thanks!
You're welcome.
And you're absolutely right, it does have a major impact.
I grew up with a family that all had very powerful personalities. Some were off the scale and quite explosive (I spent a lot of time with my grandparents, and I now think that my grandfather had either PTSD from fighting on the front line during WWII, or was suffering the effects of a major brain injury he had when I was a small child, or a mixture); or they were extremely self centred and self serving (my own dad had a very severe personality disorder, my first step dad drank and lot and had *a lot* of affairs); and some were at the other end of the scale and very withdrawn (my gran, who was like a true second mother to me).
It was never really very safe for me to be me. For one, I had no idea what sort of mood I'd be walking into whenever I walked into a room (pre-argument, mid explosion, post argument, simmering resentment...).
On the plus side, I became extremely good, very, very quickly at judging the mood and feel of a room as soon as I walked into it. I needed that to survive, if you like, and not make sure I ended up in over my head and overwhelmed.
So, guess what comes in handy now? I use the skill I leant as a temperature gauge, and people mostly feel very comfortable with me, like I get them somehow, and know what the deal is with them without having to say anything.
The other thing you could try, I guess, is to explore the opposite of what you learnt as a child. See where that takes you. So for me, I learnt it wasn't really safe for me to be me. So I'm exploring finding out who I am, and also trying that out - and also sharing that with people, either in the doing of it, or in the talking about it afterwards. I'm also quite open about how I feel/felt in the doing of it. There's still lots that I don't know, or am unsure of, but I'm trying lots of different things at the moment (nothing that's harmful, or illegal though...all good, healthy stuff). I mean, who ever imagined that I would have gone running (and loved it), claimed mountains or gone rock climbing (I have a total fear of heights).
I guess that's a a kind of GAL? But it's not just connecting with the person that you were pre M, it's going much further back and connecting with who you were as a child.
