Hmmm... this is a really tough question to answer Kiwi. On one hand, it is encouraging that he wants you to do family things... on the other, it feels like cake eating. I think it is good for your kids if you can do the holidays together without expectations. But it might be too soon? It is really up to you. I say give it a month of DBing and GAL and see how you feel then. I am sure that his parents would understand if you decided not to come.
It is nice you are talking about Christmas so you can prepare yourself. I have not brought it up with my H and I don’t plan on it. I know I will be at home with our kids and his mom and my sister and her husband at some point. Not sure what to do there as my H will not come near our home if they are there and even if he did, I am sure he would feel so uncomfortable he would want to leave pretty darn quick. My BIL is the person who figured out what he was doing and “outed” him so it is a really awkward situation. It is also one of the reasons my H would be discouraged from coming back home...feels like it is too big of a hill to climb given how close I am to my sister and her H. He is like a brother to me and best friends with my brother who is lukewarm on my H at the moment. Personally, I’d rather just skip Christmas altogether. Sadly my parents are both deceased. My father passed away in 2005 of pancreatic cancer. He was 66. My mom died last year on May 10th. She was 76. My sister told me recently she was very suspicious of my H. I hate that she died worrying about me and my marriage. . Anyway... I digress.
I don’t know that you need to tell him that you can’t do friendship although some people on here might say different. When you have kids, I think you should try to be friendly but maybe pick and choose how. Take some space. Let him know you are not a solid plan B. That’s just my initial thought. I’m sure there are others on here who will have a different, more experienced, take on it. Bottom line is that it is your life and you get to choose. To me, it seems to me you can spend as much time with him as you want as long as you can do so with NO expectations. That is the hardest part. I’ve found that even when I don’t think I have expectations, my H does or says something that makes me realize I actually did.
Thank you for the good wishes. I am feeling better than I did earlier today. This is truly a rollercoaster ride. I used to like rollercoasters.
. Anyway... I digress.
