Nothing groundbreaking to report. W is still trying to chat about news, events, holidays, etc. I reciprocate and I am not as cold as I was earlier in the week, though the temptation is there, especially when I think about her treatment of me. She dropped off D4 at my work last night so she can go to her meeting. Once again told me about the weight I'm losing. The weight loss observations are very interesting. She is now bringing it up about every two to three weeks. I do not understand why and to be honest, I do not care. I let go of the "small signs" BS weeks ago.
Saw doctor yesterday. Gained weight but I'm confident it's muscle. I lost 1/2" of fat, so I'm very happy about that. Continuing to make dietary changes. I need to eat more veggies.
Sandi, Steve, thanks for the GAL support. I am doing things on my own that are considered, by definition, GAL. I think the part where I do not feel it is not as genuine as I want it to be is where I am just out with my thoughts by myself. I do go to bookstores, coffee shops, stores, as well as go on the occasional photo shoots, but the common there is that I am doing these things alone. I am struggling mightily to find folks my age to do stuff with. I do have friends, but they have stronger bonds with W then me. And I am putting up a wall between them. I do not trust them. I do not want their sympathy or pity. As far as I am concerned, they can and will tell W about what I am doing, my feelings, etc. My scheduling is nearly full with my job, weight training, D4, and house responsibilities that going to meet-ups are a challenge. No excuses (per Steve).
My feelings...I think this is what true detachment feels like. Ironically, it started to happen right after my discovery of the extent of W and OM's relationship and the horrible fallout after ("D4 needs to see what a caring R looks like.", "You're just jealous.", "It's ok to be single."). In a way, this was what I needed.
Picture taking for a friend of mine, some busy work at the house, some teaching Sunday, and getting ready for the next workweek.
