Thanks Ready2Change. I want to get to where you are, though I know I am very early into this. I'm having a friend over tonight who has a child the same age as my son. We're doing a little dinner party with the kids.
I think I just fell off the deep end. I started looking at his cell phone records (we still share an account). I know I shouldn't but I did. He has told me that he still "talks" (I assume that means text because he is not a talking on the phone kind of person unless it's for work) to the woman he had an affair with. He said they talk but he doesn't know if she's gonna work it out with her husband or not.
Well, I saw that last Thursday he called her. It was a one minute call so I assume that means no answer. There have been no other calls to her but it doesn't mean he's not texting with her (he uses Google Hangouts to text so I have no view into most of his text messages). But it just killed me wondering why he would even call her - Was he meeting up with her that night? Was she not answering his texts because they got in a fight about the relationship and that's why the following Sunday he brought up divorce? Was he trying to talk to her about their relationship but she's still trying to work things out with her husband? I thought back to last Thursday and he was actually sending me jealous text messages around 10 pm that night. So I don't know but I think my brain just fried itself thinking about this. I could worry about it until the cows come home but never know the real answer unless he decides to tell me whether or not they are seeing each other again. I'm just done. I can't keep holding on to a man who was a selfish husband, made me unhappy, distanced himself when things got hard, criticized me a lot, and lied and cheated on me. For God's sake, I wasn't even that physically attracted to him when we first started dating and now my deluded mind thinks he's the hottest guy in the world.
I deserve better than this. I WANT better than him.
