Advice for newcomer pre- bomb drop.

[Bern19]

Ok, so after the discovery of the WW's affair, she said she wasn't sure what she wanted to do going forward. So after a couple of days of pursuit, I pulled back and started working detachment again. In the past month, we've spoken very little about the affair and even less about us. She's admitted the the initial disclosure on D-day wasn't completely truthful and that they had fabricated the timeline. I guess they figure that a 2 week affair is easier to own than a 2 year affair?

I've told her that I need an honest timeline and some details about the affair before I can even begin to consider reconciliation. She has been hesitant to do that, until yesterday. She told me she has made up her mind, and wants to stay and work on our marriage. She then asked me to put together a list of questions that I want answered truthfully and she would commit to doing it.

Any advice on questions I should ask? Do I give her a list and let her answer in writing, or do I make her do it orally, face to face. I guess I feel I have a better chance at getting a more complete answer by letting her write out her answers. However, with very little trust for her still, I wonder if that gives her too much time to "construct" her answers.

I'm trying not to get too hopeful for us until I get a feel for her disclosure and see if there will be any true remorse or if it will just continue to be clinical and emotionless. I know that making forgiveness too easy to attain just sets us up for failure down the road. I am encouraged that she approached me and claims to want to save the marriage, as until now, I haven't had anything hopeful to point to. Still in my mind I know that I need to be skeptical of what she says and does.

Still just keeping an even keel and not letting my emotions run away with me. Although I can see how easy that would be.