Thanks Davide and AnotherStander. You are right that there is something wrong with him for saying these things in bed. He does have control and manipulation issues. In fact, my therapist (who also served as our marriage counselor last year so knows him a bit) believes he exhibits signs of narcissism.
I never saw these personality traits in him until about three years ago when he told me he was unhappy. At that point, he started telling me a sexual fantasy he wanted to engage in with me that I wasn't comfortable with. The fantasy exhibits his need to want to control me and almost "own" me. His comments in bed last night are things he started saying after we separated and would sleep with each other. He really believes I will always be around for him whenever he wants. I also think that because he holds anger and resentment towards me because he had a crush on me for years before we dated and I could care less about him. Then we married and he felt I settled and never made him feel wanted, the control is almost like revenge for him, like "Now look who wants who." I feel this way because there have been times when he's expressed his anger at me and said "For years you never made me feel wanted, never showed interest in me."
He says other disturbing things to me that I think I've posted before. When he's jealous and accuses me of sleeping with someone he tells me that he's not jealous, that it's hot, and I should take a video and share it with him or come over for "sloppy seconds." It is baffling that a 38 year old man who has a successful career and two kids makes comments like this.
I do realize now looking back at his previous relationship before we married, he was with his girlfriend for seven years and they constantly broke up and got back together. He used to say it was because she was crazy, but I realize now he enjoyed the game of it all and would break up with her, have sex with her, get back together, then do it all over again because she let him and kept coming back.
I try to use all this as motivation to detach - he's expecting me to be around all the time and wants to control and manipulate me. Wouldn't that be a shock to him if I wasn't around anymore and didn't want to be part of his drama.
