Early on there is hardly anything you can do to ease the pain. In the beginning I spent hours upon hours each day reading material from almost 20 yrs ago to help me make sense of what was going on. Knowing that I was not alone gave me extreme comfort. Early on I prayed every day for my Xw to return as the months drug on it just was exhausting and gradually those prayers stopped being about my Xw returning and they become solely about myself and my girls. Right now your hanging on to the edge of a cliff refusing to let go. When you finally let go of cliff you will free fall and your journey to healing will begin.
I can tell you from experience you will never make sense of any of this.
