Unsure what's next, what to do.....Part II

[Wanted1]

Having a tough time so far today. Can't get W out of my mind. This is her first day at her new job. Since we've always worked together ever since we've been married, it's been really hard so far today. Most people can get away from their sitches when going to work. I imagine it gives them sort of a break and lets them focus on their job and not their predicament. Not me, unfortunately. Work is now a constant reminder that she's gone from this part of my life now.

I'm feeling pretty sad and disappointed that its come to this.....She's said this might be a good "break" from each other to help with the time and space she's been feeling she needs. She's also said the new job will provide additional income and full benefits which will help out "our family." I feel more like this is one less obstacle she needs to overcome to completely break free from me. One less thing standing in her way.

If she does continue down this path that looks like will end in D, I can't help but feeling like she's abandoning me twice. Once at work and once as my W and our intact family.

I hope it gets better with time. Time helps heal all wounds, but this is really tough right now.

Also, I will now be the sole caretaker for my kids due to her commute to the new job. It's now fully on me to get them ready for school and day care, pick them up from school and day care, get them to after school activities and start getting supper ready for them, etc. A lot of extra responsibilities that seem pretty overwhelming right now as I try to look forward.

I'm still holding out a slight glimmer of hope that once she settles into this new job, it won't be all she thought it was going to be. Losing valuable time with our young kids, not having the ability to come and go from work as she pleases, longer work days due to the commute and the like. Probably won't happen and even if she feels that way, I don't think she's at a point yet where she would admit it to me anyway.

I went to daily mass today. I try to go as much as I can. One of my 180s and something that makes me feel better as a person. Throughout all of this, I've become much closer to God. Praying hard for him to help give me strength and also praying that he can speak to her, open her heart up to the chance of R and shining a light on our love. It feels as though the only way I might be able to save our marriage is through His divine intervention. Maybe He is waiting until she has better grips on her own personal struggles before allowing us to work toward R so that if we do, its more likely to succeed. At this point all I can do is trust in His will.