We are indeed FS. Today I was at my H’s school where he works for a meeting about one of my clients. Driving in, as soon as I got close, I started to get anxious. The school is very close to where my H is living so it feels like his neighbourhood and where he has the part of his life that does not include me. I am still feeling positive about where I am at today but the anxiety I felt reminded me that I have a long way to go. I am glad that I at least have a better idea of what my 180 needs to be. It could be construed a bit as cake eating but it isn’t when I take into consideration what the last year has been like. My H feels criticized by me. He feels like he can never really please me even when he tries. He has complained about that a number of times over the last few years (before he basically stopped talking to me about anything meaningful). So my 180 for this is to thank him whenever he does anything to help me out with the kids or anything. So this morning I thanked him for his reliability. This afternoon I had another chance. My kids walked home after school and were alone because my MIL was away for the day. I didn’t ask him to but my H came home right after work to check on them and make sure they had a snack and were okay. He left about 20 minutes before I got home and texted me to let me know he had been by. I texted him a thank-you and that I appreciated him taking the time. Again, I felt good doing it. So, it is not a BIG deal but I think if I am consistent, it will have a positive effect. Tomorrow, he will be by after work to feed our kids and get them off to their activities. I will take the opportunity to thank him again. Small steps.
So...I am doing something for myself on Saturday. For a few years, I have had a spot on my cheek (from the sun?) that I hate. When I look in the mirror, it is the only thing I see and is the only indicator that I am my age as I still do not have one wrinkle (not a sun worshiper). Anyway....I’m getting it lasered on Saturday. I am told it will get darker at first but in about a week should be gone. Sounds kind of vain but I am excited about it...lol. I’ve lost 27 pounds (5 or 10 more to go) and cut my hair (shorter and way more flattering) so this is just another step in my attempts at self improvement and boosting my self esteem.
BTW...I have a bit of a confession to make. Following my team day that I hosted, there were a ton of bread products (evil carbohydrates) that I will never eat so I told my H that if wanted to have some, he was welcome. When I got home yesterday, he had a bag of cheese twists, pretzel buns and croissants to take home with him. These are a recipe for weight gain. Does it make me a terrible person that I was secretly celebrating that while I am getting smaller, he is getting bigger? In my head I was thinking, “Yeah...you just keep eating those carbs H.” Okay...so maybe I am a little bit awful?
