I think I’m checking out of the M little by little, day by day. I feel strongly H is moving on, and using this time to start getting things in order. I think he may be seeing someone, or at least sleeping around. Why do we want to R with these WASs. What makes us hold on? Feeling comfortable with the status quo? Fear of the future? Fear of loneliness? My friend said to me last night “If H wanted to be married to you, he would be home with you”. Why do I want someone who doesn’t want me? Do I even want him any more? I’m not so sure…….
I contacted an attorney today, and her initial consultation fee is steep. She may be worth her weight in gold, but I will still search around a bit more. Hoping for mediation if it comes to that, so maybe a meeting with one is the place to start. I’ve printed out all our current statements for all our investments, and am just being pro-active and thinking ahead. Have a list of our income and expense, too.
H has been dark for 2 days. I texted him today that I forwarded to him an e-mail he needed to see, but that’s been it. I feel a black cloud hanging over me. I have GAL plans in a few minutes, and here I sit mulling over my life. I hope my evening clears my head. It’s a meetup walking group, and it’s usually a very pleasant time.
