Realized my last couple of posts were posted so late that most people were probably in bed.
No real update on the M front. My health seems to be getting worse, but I have a plan of action to address my neck issues hopefully in the next couple of weeks. Funny, I went to see my PCP for my annual check up this week, and the lab work showed high cholesterol and really high blood pressure. I've never had these issues, so no doubt it's related to my current season in life. Cholesterol can be explained from my horrible diet. I'm normally extremely healthy, but have fallen back a bit. No weight gained, so I didn't have an issue with it, but I need to get those numbers down.
It's been about two months of horrible sleep. Mostly due to my neck, but when I can't fall asleep, my mind immediately goes to my sitch. I yoyo back and forth between my wife being incapable of marriage to I am at fault for the majority of issues. This is something I'm working on with my IC. My Dad was a perfectionist growing up, and everything I did that wasn't 100% perfect was deemed a failure. The blessing with my sitch is my Dad has owned up to his own dysfunctions and asked for forgiveness for being so hard on me, which is great. Our relationship has grown so much the last 10 months. For that I'm grateful. I've made great strides, but I think I need to focus on forgiving myself for what I contributed and realize this is not my fault.
Part of me wants to cut bait and run considering we were only married less than a year, but I am using my newfound faith in Christ to do the hard thing, to be longsuffering and forgiving. Not the easiest path, but I know my faithfulness will be rewarded.
Lastly, my marriage counselor introduced me to his "great match" at a fundraiser for his practice this weekend. She seems like a good Christian girl, but I had no attraction at all. I immediately compared her to my wife who is beautiful, at least on the outside, and I had no interest whatsoever. Obviously I wouldn't get into a relationship while still being married. I am clearly not over my wife, and won't be for a long time. I think I'm going to find a new MC, as it was totally innapropriate for him to do. For fellow Christ followers, I have learned that just because someone is a Christian means absolutely nothing. I now focus on their fruit. Not in a judgemental way, but to gauge them and the advice they provide. The only advice I take at this point is from this board (when dealing with a WAW) and scripture. That's all I need.
