Ah, now here we reach the crux of the matter. I was never very good at making life decisions. Growing up, I was always told what to do, and the better I did it, the more praise and rewards I got. It's no coincidence that things went south when I finished my doctorate/license. It was the last thing that was expected of me from my family of origin. After that I was on my own. And I languished. Coincides perfectly with when W said she started losing the spark. So we're onto something here.
Perhaps someone gave you guidance, but don't sell yourself short. Achieving a doctorate is an impressive, amazing achievement that required many, many personal and professional decisions. YOU did that! You probably have a touch of NGS like so many of us do or did, and feel like you're going to disappoint someone or multiple people if you make the "wrong" choice. So start small. Maybe it's changing your hairstyle, or dressing different, or getting a tattoo, or if you always keep your car spotless then let it get dirty. I think that was an example in NMMNG, that a lot of NG's keep their car spotless because they don't want people to think they are slobs. So he advises to let your car get dirty. REAL dirty. And see if people treat you any different. I did exactly that, and no one said a word, I was treated exactly the same. Now I do like to keep my car clean, but the difference is you have to learn to do stuff like that because it's what you want, not because you are concerned about appearances or what others think about you. So make some small life choices and see how it goes, and build up to bigger ones as you gain confidence. And I promise, if you do it, you WILL get much more confident.
