An old mindset for Burned. This is thread 8.

[burned]

As Accuray is fond of saying, the problem for most of us after BD is we feel like we've lost all control of our lives, our destiny, our future, our plans. It's all been laid waste and we are spinning trying to figure out how to get it back under control and put everything "back to normal".

Yep LH19 posted that really cool analogy from Accuray about not drinking the poison water. It's just so, so true. And I worry most about the W sitch when I feel like I'm losing control of OTHER areas. So days like today when I feel like I'm on thin ice no matter where I walk... But yeah. So, to answer pain18 and Amoafwl and all the other people who patiently keep reminding me to focus on what I DO have control over...I'm focusing on getting my act together at work. Aside from that, if I wanted to go skiing in Switzerland for Christmas there's nothing stopping me, and everything costs half as much now.

You can literally make whatever you want of it. You can move to the woods and live in a cabin. You can buy a boat and take people snorkeling on reefs. Or you can stay right where you are and rebuild. NO ONE can stop you, so embrace your new control.

Ah, now here we reach the crux of the matter. I was never very good at making life decisions. Growing up, I was always told what to do, and the better I did it, the more praise and rewards I got. It's no coincidence that things went south when I finished my doctorate/license. It was the last thing that was expected of me from my family of origin. After that I was on my own. And I languished. Coincides perfectly with when W said she started losing the spark. So we're onto something here.

I totally get where you are coming from and I'm not trying to say you should be less devastated about your sitch because you don't have kids. I'm sorry if it came off that way.

Not at all, man. Every time I complain on here, I think to myself, yikes, there are people who have to get their kids through this. It's almost like I don't really deserve to suffer this much. I have it relatively easy. I feel awful for those of you (pretty much most of you) who have to break up actual families. So yeah, I had that thought way before you did.
On the other hand it gives you something to work with, something to focus your energy on. Detach from W by attaching to S/D more strongly. I truly admire those of you who can hold your head high and guide the little ones. Twofeet is a good example.