[Living]

I wanted to post a quick update on my situation.

H is still pursuing me like crazy. I am still rejecting his sexual advances. Last night he wanted to talk to me and I decided to just listen. He told me that:

* He wants out of this marriage
* He no longer has "it" for me
* He feels like he doesn't know who he is
* He feels like he has lost his identity in this marriage
* He thought he could make it work but he just can't...but he is sorry
* He said our marriage became routine and he never wanted it to become that
* He said we didn't have sex enough and it was not spontaneous enough
* He keeps hearing male friends say that they go on male get-away trips together. He said he has never taken a guys trip and would love to do that
* He told me that the marriage just isn't what he expected
* He says sometimes he feels that spark for me and sometimes he doesn't. He doesn't know how to make it stay
* He said he has basically been doing the things I like just so he can be with me. However, he doesn't like to do the things that I enjoy
* He said I am a good woman and have been a great wife and I'll find someone else to love me because I deserve that
* He said so much has happened over the years that he just doesn't have it in him anymore to be in this marriage
* He said not to mention that the internal stuff he is been ignoring hasn't even been brought to the light yet
* He loves me but he is just curious what else may be out there for him because this just isn't working for him
* He admitted that the times where he's been the sole provider have weighed on him, even though he told me things were ok. Back story-My husband allowed me not to work while I focused on finishing my degree. I was unemployed for a year and a half. I am now working. However, I am just starting with the second job.
* He said the affair last year opened his eyes that he wasn't happy. The trip to Hawaii a few months ago gave him time to really think about how unhappy he was. He made the decision then that he wanted out.

I asked my husband why he never shared some of these things with me. I said how would I know what to fix if I didn't know anything was wrong. He said it wasn't easy to talk to me about it.

I then made a huge mistake, I'm human, so please don't judge me too harshly. I first thanked him for opening up to me. I thanked him for being honest with me. Here is where I made the mistake and broke the rules...

I told him that he had unrealistic expectations for what he wants in a spouse and a marriage. I told him he wants a woman that looks good all the time and is ready to have sex on a whim. I guess she is not supposed to be a mother and have a life. She just needs to be ready to have sex with you when you like.

I then pointed out that it doesn't seem like he is willing or has what it takes to make a long-term relationship work. I told him he expects all his needs and wants to be met but isn't willing to do the work to satisfy his spouse's needs and wants. He is very one-sided.

I told him that he wants a woman that is fun and spontaneous, yet he is boring. He doesn't initiate date nights or anything.

I told him that he wants a woman that maintains her weight and appearance, yet he isn't maintaining his.

So needless to say, I know I shouldn't have said all of that. I am still in the process at Detaching, so I am a work in progress.

I will say that some of what I am doing is working. Because he said it's weird, he doesn't feel like he has that spark for me anymore but lately, he has been wanting me real bad.

And after that conversation last night, I was woken up at 2:30 in the morning to him in my bed (our former bed, he sleeps in the other room). You'll never guess what he was doing. Yes, you guessed it, trying to have sex with me.

So how is it possible that you want to have sex with the woman you're ready to leave, are no longer attracted too, isn't doing it for you anymore, and who you are no longer in love with.