Thank you Yorkie. I am feeling much, much better this morning. I have a good career, I make decent money and have a rental home that I co-own with may sister.
and you are an awesome human being. Kind, thoughtful and considerate.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
So...this morning I had a bit of an epiphany. I was thinking back on my marriage and some of the things I got used to doing with my H. I also thought a lot about 180s and what those mean for me. I really thought honestly about what I presented to my H on a daily basis. I realized that I was in a bit of a depression myself. Much of it was in reaction to not having my H around but I realize now it probably had a profound effect on him whenever he saw me.
I have done this too. Not quite an epiphany, more a gradual realization of my part in things. My H is a pilot. He is away ALOT and I am left at home with the kids. He started training soon after we got together and was effectively 'not earning' whilst he was doing this. The training cost a fortune, meaning that once he did start earning he was using most of it to pay his student loans. I absorbed most of the children / household costs and even though I said I was happy to do this, a part of me resented him for putting me in that position. I paid for everything only to come home to two children and an empty bed. I couldn't tell him how much I resented him for this, so I withdrew affection (not intimacy mind - we were more or less always good on that front). H would often ask me to sit with him on the same sofa and I would say no, I prefer sitting on my own. I would watch TV in a different room because I didn't like what he liked. When he went to kiss me I would offer him my cheek instead. I stopped asking about his day because I was a resentful he got to go to exciting places and I didn't. Eventually he stopped telling me about his day.
So, my 180 is to be less cold but it is difficult balancing that with not pursuing. When he dropped me off the other day I said "Thank you" and smiled at him. We only really talk about the children, but I try and be enthusiastic and interested (which isn't hard as I am actually interested). When he asks me about what I've been up to I am still very vague and I don't ask him what he has been up to. When he tells me stuff about his nights out, the hairs on my neck still rise up and I can't help but go cold, but I am trying to control this.
