Unsure what's next, what to do.....Part II

[Wanted1]

I sort of implied that it was up to her whether or not I would attend as well or not.

I would be curious to know the exact conversation. If it was you saying "would it be ok if I go with you?" That's weak.

Right after my W filed for D I was invited to her Aunts for Easter. I declined because it would have been award for me. She took the kids to her Aunts I went to my moms. The kids asked where I was the ex said Grandmas. No more questions.

If you don't want to go don't go. If you want to have one more family Thanksgiving then go.

It's really all about your expectations. Whether you ask her how her day went or you don't it's not going to change anything. Whether you go to Thanksgiving or not it is not going to change anything.

I am going to be really honest with you and give you MY opinion. Based on the text your W sent you she is going to D you. Now you have two choices, you can go out like an alpha male or you can go out like a beta male. Which choice do you think has a better chance at recon?

I did not say "would it be ok if I go?" It was more along the lines of "I could bring the kids down to (where she's going to be working now) and you could leave on Wednesday night to head out to your parents. I'm not sure what your thoughts are on me going or not. If you would like me to go, we can just leave a car there and pick it up on the way back otherwise I will just drop them off and go back home."

It went something like that. I did NOT ask if it would be ok for me to go. I'm sure of that.

The asking about her day is more about maybe a 180 for me I guess? I don't want to be silent because she might imply that I'm mad or upset that she took this job and I don't "care" about how her first day went. If I ask and seem genuinely interested, it would show her that I care about her and how her day went and maybe show to her that I'm fine/OK with her taking this new job. I don't know....

She's told me 3-4 times that she's never once told herself that she's completely done and there is no chance at R. HOWEVER, none of her actions or frankly nothing else she has said really confirms that is what she believes or is thinking. She's just said that statement a couple different times and if I go along with the understanding to believe nothing she says, I have come to the conclusion that she's probably just saying that to appease me at this point. On the other hand, there is so much she's trying to deal with on a personal level right now I don't really know if she does know what she wants. I'm going on low expectations and assuming she wants a D and am slowly accepting it and trying to stay positive that I'll be just fine if it goes that way.

The part that really bugs, concerns and disappoints me is that I'm not really even asking her to R at this point. I'm simply asking her if she would be open to TRYING to work on our M to see if we can R. To actively work in a healthy manner (marital counseling, retrouvaille, etc.) to see if we can't make things work which we've never done, ever, in the past. I'm just astounded that she's willing to give up half of the time with our kids without even trying to see if we can make it work. This is what just shocks the hell out of me. I don't understand it.

I guess there are essentially two things that might work in my favor. 1 being the new job is going to give her way less time with the kids (1 hr commute one way), so she's going to be missing out on getting them ready for school, dropping them off at school, picking them up from school and more than likely feeding/having supper with them. 2 is financially. She's got it all budgeted out and she will just barely make ends meet with all of her financial obligations moving forward. That's if/when she moves out of our house and starts on her own. I'm a little concerned that she's just staying in the home under the guise that she's trying to decide what to do to more or less build up a little financial cushion and then when she feels comfortable financially she will move out. Not going to lie, if that's what's really going to happen, I'm not sure if our co-parenting relationship moving forward will be the best. I'll be livid. But I also don't really know what I can do about that.