Gosh this up and down mood I’ve been in is starting to make my head spin. I had a super busy day at work with not a lot of time to think and I sure did appreciate it. And then I got home and saw my H and there it was again...that heavy feeling. I am feeling pretty anxious about the next few months. By my calculations, my H’s stash of rent money will run out by around January. I fully expect that sometime that month he will want to talk. I’m not delusional enough to think that he is going to want to come home. He has shown no signs of that at all. I think he is either going to ask that we start paying his rent from our joint account OR he is just going to tell me he wants a divorce and we should separate our finances and divvy things up. I am so not ready for that. The thought of it makes me physically ill. I am trying to picture how I am going to react when we have that conversation and I just can’t picture me stoically taking it. I really can’t.
