I only have a couple of things to toss your way. You are reading conflicting messages in your books. IMHO, The Dare book is not what you need to follow at this time. From what I remember about it, the methods seem extremely pursuing...….which is not what the H should do with a WW. Dr. Harley has a lot of good information, however it doesn't always line up with what MWD teaches. I encourage you to finish reading Divorce Remedy (updated version of Divorce Busting). You may need to decide which method is for you, or risk being very confused.
The other thing I want to tell you is that a couple who has been in any type of affair, cannot continue working together. An affair is like a drug addiction, and seeing the affair partner every day will keep your W stuck fantasizing over the OM. In other words, your M is not going to get better until she has absolutely no contact (visual, verbal, written, etc.) with him. If she won't resign from that current work place, I think you need to face the fact that she is still in an affair (emotionally, at least) and you just waiting around on her, hoping her feelings will change, is not getting the right results.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
