Well, first improv lesson today and I had to miss it. My fault entirely. I thought i had arranged for our nanny to stay a few extra hours tonight but got the dates mixed up. Really annoyed with myself.
Normal stuff otherwise. Work, gym, home. I have to pick up D12 and D8 from football training soon so have an hour to myself. Life goes on and H only interrupts my thoughts in the quiet moments.
I saw him this morning. He picked us up this morning (me to the station, the girls to school). I mentioned that I was out tonight and he said "but aren't you out Friday". I said no, I haven't got plans for Friday and tonight is my firs improv lesson. Not sure why I explained myself. I think I was just caught off guard.
D12 was in a bit of a grump when she got out of the car. It was raining a little, and H asked her if she wanted to borrow his umbrella. She said no. He repeated the question. She said no again then got out of the car, and stomped off. This was normal pre-teen angst and not us related. When she got out H said "she is so stubborn". I replied that she gets that from us. He didn't say anything.
I won't see him now until next Wednesday or Thursday. He is off on a weeks holiday. He did this same trip last year about 2 weeks after BD and 2 days after my birthday. Remembering that time, I was such a mess. I couldn't believe he would go away after the two weeks we had just had. He slept in the den that night and in the morning I went and lay with him. I needed to know he still loved me. He told me he did, but then he went away anyway. I couldn't go to work for two days. Today, I simply said "Have a great holiday", got out of the car, and he drove off. All smiles and happy faces. Just two friends wishing each other well ... all these things left unsaid.
I do not expect to hear from him the next week. He will call the girls, but generally only talks to me if there is some logistical thing to discuss .. sometimes when the logistics is done, we might have a normal non-logistical chat (trains, family gossip) but if there isn't a reason to talk to me in the first place, he normally just hangs up.
I will say that compared to last year, I have come on quite a bit. I am nearly a fully functional human being.
