I was cold and short with my W this morning dropping D4 off at school. I did not acknowledge her presence which was noticed by her co-workers. W asked what was going on. I said "nothing".
OK so you mentioned getting your balls back and getting rid of NGS but there it is right there. When you are cold to someone and when asked what is wrong and you reply "nothing", that is the very definition of passive/ aggressive behavior and very typical of NG behavior. So first, WHY were you cold? Try to dig down to the core reason for that. Anger over your situation? Frustrated that W isn't responding to your DB'ing? I don't know, only you do and you need to figure out what it is and tackle how to address it as an alpha male and not a NG.
Now the detailed work of fixing my NGS comes into play. Where do I draw the line between expressing that "I am OK (when I'm clearly bothered by my sitch)" and not spill my guts on my true feelings? Are there any resources/books I can access? I will bring this up to my support group this week.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Originally Posted by pain18
W then went on about me distancing myself and "not talking to her like a normal person". I validated and told her that I am good.
That's the complete opposite of validation, you made it all about YOU. Validation is understanding HER feelings and acknowledging them. "I hear you saying you felt I was being cold and indifferent, is that how I made you feel?" "Yes, that's exactly it." "I can understand why it made you feel that way, I am sorry and I will work on changing that."
That's key to validation? Not make it about me but about W?
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Originally Posted by pain18
I do feel that I am carrying myself into the "cold, rude" territory, which is not DBing.
It's not. So remind yourself what your goals are, ask yourself if what you're doing is getting you closer to your goals or farther away. Ask yourself that as many times a day as you need to!
The feeling changes day to day. Sometimes I feel like I'm progressing. Other days I feel like I'm regressing. Is inconsistency a part of this growth?
