New chapter....with or without her

[EZdozit]

So a bit of journaling and questions to board:

The interactions I’ve been getting from w have continued to increase significantly. This morning alone she has FB messaged me on 8 different issues, emailed twice, and now texted. The issues mostly have to do with scheduling upcoming holidays, S cub scouts, and sale of house...but she is making attempts to have further ftf interactions between us. She even asked if she could hang out with S this F and bring him to my house (Friday is my time). My responses to her are brief and matter of fact.

I won’t take my walls down for a second...but knowing my W it has always been her mo to hint around the edges on stuff versus being direct. I obviously didn’t know how to interpret a lot prior to BD and won’t pretend to know in her present MLC state otherwise I don’t believe I would be here. The constant has been she’s coming to me, asking my thoughts....and being somewhat submissive.

As Steve mentioned, she seems to be coming back to me on things that she hasn’t for the last 8 months and I know I need to be really careful that it’s not just one big temp check.

I have worked really hard to insulate myself with DB’ing and don’t want to show any form of vulnerability.

For 7 months we have hardly seen each other, communicated only on items pertaining to S, and she has only shown disrespect, vindictive behavior, and coldness towards me. I do believe that reality is hitting her in the face now...and underneath she is now a scared little girl who’s afraid of her actions and choices.....none of which are turning out how she envisioned.

I’m human...I’m having an internal struggle on how I move forward? I didn’t want a D...still had a speck of hope for a long while...but finally let her and the idea of an intact family go 3 week’s ago.

Everyone IRL has told me to drop her like a bad habit and move on....everyone IRL gets baffled that I would even entertain R...but I know at the end it has to be me that makes that ultimate decision...otherwise I won’t be able to make peace with myself.

Please hit me with any 2x4’s if I need them....

Some of this could be me projecting....but I feel as if I’m approaching another crossroads.