I have been reading your sit and can relate to some of the points you make as well as your feelings. I also agree on some of the points from other posts here.
However ...
If we look at the global picture and step back for a minute I can see why your W is hesitant with regards to you.
I get the feeling you have not really worked on yourself and you are not ready for another relationship with someone else unless all you want is a "ggod time". Detaching and moving on are easily confused and often done while still looking at the rear view mirror.
A relationship unfortunately turns us into emotional junkies. You need to detox before entering a new relationship, get rid of your faults (no one is perfect) and erase your old relationship from your mind. Something you should have done at the very beginning as once you end up here, the goal is not to repair but replace your old R with a new one. Life as you knew it has gone. Hello new start.
Some of your comments seem laden with anger and based on revenge. The words "if she does xxxx i'll do yyy" imho do not reflect someone who has truly accepted their situation and searched for their 2.0 version, detached, moved on, got a life, etc.
Your W may be taking so long to decide for many reasons but you do not seem to be a priority in her life at the moment. I do not understand women as much as I would like but I learnt a lot from Sandi and one thing always stuck. When you are a woman's priority and she wants you , you'll know.
4 years in my opinion is too long for anything unless the scars are deep and time is in fact healing. Even so, no matter how long the journey if you take a look back the changes show. Sometimes you need to adjust your focus and expectations to a realistic zoom level to see the real changes and build on that. If the scenery is the same you are going in circles and those 4 years maybe be doing more damage than walking away.
Messages that rang out true during my problems were respect for a man as the building block and feeling the loss. I do not see she has that kind of respect for you (as she would have for THE partner) and I also dont see her missing anything.
When I first read that problems take years to heal I could not believe it. Unfortunately it is true and years of doing the wrong thing while trying to fix do not count, may extend the time or even wear down what is left until you give up.
