Thanks for the response ovrrnbw, I will start putting to gather my list and post later for feedback.
Since I have a little more time, here is more of the back story.
It is really hard to believe, but it almost feels like a complete role reversal. She is now actively pursuing me. She is texting all of the time, wants to talk, wants to spend time with each other. I am not letting myself get to hyped up about it, because I do not trust everything yet. I am taking a very cautious approach and I am holding my ground. I like the new me and I am not willing to give that up.
These marathon sessions as I called them have been difficult, but I believe necessary. The real breakthrough was when she showed up late one night 7 hours after one of these sessions in tears. She said she could not go on holding back if we are to make it work and that is when she finally admitted to the A. I have never seen anyone that was so finished in my life, she just keep saying how lost she is. Her self-esteem must be at absolute rock bottom.
The funny thing is when she told me, I did not even flinch. I did not get upset, I stayed surprisingly calm. I don't know if it was because she simply confirmed what I believed to be true in my gut or maybe it is the fact that I am no longer the man I used to be, but I simply accepted what she was telling. While what she has done is not acceptable or excusable, I feel that I have gained new and different perspectives over the last few months with the help of this forum and the NMMNG book and I just understand how such a thing happens.
The old me would have flipped out, probably yelled at her, and would have probably held a grudge until the day I die. The old me would feel the need to punish her (passive aggressively) for the rest of our relationship which would have certainly resulted in both of us being unhappy. It pains me actually to look at myself that one and believe that about myself, but I know it is true. I know now that being able to forgive is such an important part of not only a happy R, but for me personally to be happy with myself.
I told her that people in love do not ever forget the hurt they have caused each other. If the stay together it is because they have the ability to forgive each other. (yes, I know I paraphrased a movie quote) I told her that I am willing to forgive, but it is going to take hard work to rebuild the trust and respect for each other and that there are no guarantees that it will work. I know it may sound strange, but I feel at peace with that. If things do not work, I know that I will be ok. My emotions/actions are no longer being governed by fear.
I am sure I am not explaining it the right way, it is not that I do not care if it works out or not, but I feel like either outcome will be equally OK for me.
I will continue to be active on the board to gain further insight and post with updates. I know that I have gotten a lot from others here and I hope that I can return the favor to others during their time of need.
