Jim IMO make the appointment and after you do you can always have the conversation with her about how you fired me from that role and going forward this is something that I will no longer take on. I had to have the convo with my XW and ever since I did she has never asked. I think if you do it this way you are doing it with love vs what might come across as out of spite or anger or trying to stick it to her for what she has done.
