You're spot on Flysolo - I think I do feel guilty about looking forward to things without him. And that in reality, my future is rosier than his and yet he's the one that walked out.
Maybe the love had gone or maybe it's his actions that made it go. Maybe it will come back, maybe it won't. I would never have had this attitude 2 months ago. We all want to fix things straightaway when the best advice is to give yourself time. I so wish I hadn't done all the desperate, needy, clingy stuff in the first six weeks.
I think the key for me is acknowledging that I am allowed to feel sad sometimes but it doesn't mean that tomorrow won't be better. And each time it happens, I'm a little tiny bit stronger than the last time. I think I'm learning to let the feelings wash over me and just let them happen rather than fight or force them.
And to let people help when they offer and to ask if they don't. This week I asked my DIL to ring H's father who had left me a message. I didn't want to talk to him because he's 90 and doesn't need to deal with this and I recognised that I might get defensive or upset which wouldn't help anyone. She was more than happy and capable of doing that and reassured him that I was okay and would be in touch soon. It was a great help to me.
I do need to say that I know this is easier for me because my children are grown.
But in my job, I deal with extraordinarily tragic circumstances and I suppose it does put my situation into perspective. I have 3 wonderful sons, 2 daughter in Laws and a brand new grandson, a dog I adore, 2 sisters, a SIL I'm close to, friends from childhood, fantastic work colleagues; a good job; a roof over my head; a car to drive and my health. That's a lot to be grateful for.
