So, the odd feeling is that I feel a small amount of excitement at trying new things and only having to please myself. There's a small amount of fear, but I'm excited at the prospect of finding myself somewhere to live and making it my own. I can't honestly say that I miss him except from a selfish perspective of having to sort these things out for myself. I do think about him most days, but not in the obsessive manic way that I did at first. I think about him in a fleeting 'oh he used to be here' sort of way.
This is the same feeling I had when I sorted out the toilet myself. The same feeling I get when I put a picture up or I sort out something in the house (OK - I normally get someone in to do it but it is the same thing .. sort of). H always sorted things around the house and now that he has left, there is a kind of satisfaction in doing things (or paying someone else to do things).
The biggest change for me is how much I love having the house to myself. I love the sheer emptiness of it. The fact that I can do something as simple as spend time writing on this forum without someone judging me.
Originally Posted by Yorkie
I know it may appear that I am strong; but perhaps it also says that I am very selfish and only wanted him as a husband for when it served my purpose?
Do not mistake strength for selfishness or coldness. Your H has forced you on a journey you did not want. Do not feel guilty because you are starting to enjoy some aspects of it.
