Interesting... My ex's mother was also the type that took on everything. Worked full time. Kept an immaculate home. Baked cakes for all her co workers. Helped to baby sit my son. My ex's father would disappear and work on his cars. I did not know their history (he left his family for a while when my ex was really young and came home) until my ex mil told me in secrecy. I never let my ex know. My ex FIL was not a alcoholic. He stayed away from it because he was an orphan due to alcoholic parents. But i wonder if he had that "dry drunk" personality and if ex MIL enabled that and my ex just witnessed it.
When my ex left me, i asked him what he was looking for and he told me someone like his mom. Told me i did not work full time or keep a spotless home.
Point being...my ex mil was a classic enabler and codependent. In every way.
My ex put his desires..(expensive seasons tickets to football games, luxury cars)over the needs of his family. My mom would also point out how selfish he was. I was always trying to rationalize with him. Get him to see my opinions and my my logic as well. I was right. Of course you dont buy a luxury car and seasons tickets when you have a baby on the way and you are living in an apartment. But it never mattered. Very frustrating to not be heard. Or tonnot matter to someone.
Thank you for your posts. When i read your posts, i see the dysfunction of my own sitch more. Most of us who post here are not dealing with typical marital issues due to universal male/female issues. Most of us are coping with the the aftermath of highly dysfunctional relationships with abusers and addicts and cheaters.
We know we r better off, but we are still trying to make sense and look back on clues and hints.
Sorry to hijack. I just see similarities and it helps me to cope with all of that gaslighting for so long.
