Women were sold a lie, back during the early days of the women's liberation movement, and I think that lie has continued. They were told they could "have it all". They were also told that there should be no differences in which gender did what job at home. They were told they were wasting their lives if they were SAHM's......and that they should get out into the world and do more with their lives. So, women started burning their bras and going to work in hard hats and drilling holes in the streets.
Women can't have it all. Nobody can. That's why you have to make choices. Otherwise, something is going to be sacrificed somewhere. It's usually a relationship, and we see it happen everyday. Young families run around like chickens without their heads, always in a hurry....running from one activity to another (especially for their kids) ..while keeping up with a million friends on FB, and taking care of their aging parents. And while women may have gotten better opportunities and better salaries, they can only spread themselves so thin before something starts breaking down. They are so overloaded and frazzled at the end of the day.......they just want to go to bed and crash. They have too much on their plate. Understand, I am speaking in general terms of the "modern woman".
The youngest two generations have grown up with a lot of results, or fallout, of the women's lib movement (good and bad). Listen, women have always been complexed, and they are more so today. Just like anyone who is given a wider field of education, opportunity, and experience... ...they will grow. Women have always been strong in their own way, but they do have their limits. After all, there's only 24 hours in a day. Women are just as smart as men, and God gave her a little something - something that He didn't give the man. However, women and men are not the same. Women are not inferior or better.....they are just different from the man. God made Eve from Adam's rib, to walk by his side... .not ahead or behind him. Woman was made from man, but God kept it interesting by making some unique differences.
Women's lib started out being all about equality. Somewhere along the way, the message became distorted. I'm good with equality, but don't try to turn me into a man, b/c I'm not the same... .and I sure don't want to see men become women. I may do as good a job, maybe better than a man, and if I do the work.....I deserve the pay. But equal opportunity and pay is not the problem I'm seeing down through the years. A lot of women thought they could wear as many hats as they wanted......b/c that was the big lie they were told. Divorces quickly increased and relationships got shorter... .and day cares spouted up to keep the children. And it seems since women's lib, we have had very confused men about their role in marriage/home and some very entitled women in marriages... ..so someone messed up somewhere! Men have never really understood women, but now they don't even know who plays which role. Men feel that a lot is expected from him.....but he doesn't know what it is. I just don't want to see men give up being who they were designed to be!
I've said this before and I'll say it again... ..I feel sorry for young men today who are dating and/or looking at marriage. There are many young women walking around who feel very entitled to "have it all", but they don't understand that a high price is paid. This is off the subject a bit, but I am seeing a generation coming up that doesn't want to work! They just feel entitled to have it. That's pretty scary.
Anyway guys, the reason she doesn't tell you exactly what she needs you to do to fill her emotional needs... ..is a little hard to explain. One, is b/c she thinks you should know. I mean, you were filling those needs when you were dating her... .or she would not have M you. Her mistake was believing you would continue doing those things after marriage. But guys don't necessarily think that way. They see the dating--engagement process kind of like most other things they pursue. They have an end goal and they go after it, and once they get it.......that's it. Generally speaking. You men know how you are. Your role changes and you know you are responsible for a family, and your goal is to provide the best that you can. That's your goal. If the W is unhappy, you expect her to speak up. And she's thinking, "But I didn't have to tell him before we were married".
I think the biggest reason is that she doesn't know how to tell him. She gives clues. It is usually seen by her H as complaining or nagging. "You never take me out", "You never buy me anything", "Why can't we just talk like we did before M", "You don't spend quality time with me", "You aren't romantic", etc., etc. Men often just hear criticism, which is understandable. Some women don't know how to tell the H she needs emotional intimacy. BTW, she should not be finding emotional intimacy from anyone but her H. But the truth is, a lot of guys are clueless about what that even means. He wants a map with instructions. And a lot of women feel that if she has to tell him how to get from point A to point B... ..it just kind of loses the pazazz. So, yeah... .it's a problem. People continue to say that better communication is needed in MR's, but I don't know if these two differences will ever be understood. As long as society tries to tell us we are the same.....we are going to expect one another to think alike, which doesn't work.
I am not blaming one gender over the other. We are who we are. However, there are wonderful resources out there that can teach us about one another and what the other sex needs in a MR. Don't sell yourself short just b/c you had one bad relationship. It doesn't mean you are defective, or that you will never fill the needs of another woman. We all want to feel cherished by our spouses. Women want to feel special by their man. Men want to feel admired by their woman. Maybe we are more alike than I thought.
Well, I've rambled enough and may have wasted everyone's time. Just felt like sharing some thoughts about one of the world's oldest subjects.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
