Not struggling quite as much

[ovrrnbw]

I was curious how Steve's W showed she was willing, and then I was trying to explain that many of the avenues Steve's W used to show she was willing to work on the marriage were no longer open to me. The only avenue I see is my W having an "AHA" moment, which Steve suggests avoiding bringing up.

I understand. I'll repeat that if they want it you will know it. And the rest is a cheeseless tunnel.

I guess I'm trying to avoid her saying "I'd like to R", and have my answer be "Ya, that's great, BUT..... I'm not, unless you are willing to work on your issues, too," because at this point I've finally achieved enough emotional distance, I don't want to go back to where my needs are no longer met, or she doesn't even attempt to meet them.

Ok, but you'll cross that bridge when and if you get to it. You won't lose that emotional distance either if you set and enforce a strong boundary like you said.

She basically said if we did R, she didn't want to go back to counseling.

My opinion is that she doesn't want to do the work. And/or she was trying to temp check you with the "if we did R" comment. Perfect time to validate, how did you respond?

She texted me asking me to get ahold of the dentist and make an appointment when she comes back.

You guys are separated right? She is seeing someone else? But she requests you to play H for her? Am I reading this correctly. I'm not sure how to respond. But someone will have a good one for you.

I'd probably say "I'm not comfortable with that as you are seeing someone else/getting a D".