thanks d...extract away the specifics of the sitch/feelings/wanting her back/etc...at the end of each chapter in life a person would like to hope that they can understand what happened within a specific chapter they experienced. perhaps i'm just not fully closed of this chapter to have the full picture before me or perhaps more likely i'll never know what the H happened. given how major of a chapter this MR was in my life it's very hard to reconcile not being able to explain what happened.
the absence of understanding the story for me now is more difficult than the absence of the characters who made up the story. Stander has related to me on this in the past. i guess never knowing/understanding the how/why of what happened might be what i'll have to accept for the rest of my life and at time things trigger me into that thinking.
