Got a call from my kids’ school yesterday. My D10 was seen in her class trying to cut her arm. She apparently made red marks and then tried to hide it. My H showed up at my house about five minute after I hung up. I told him about it and he immediately tried to figure out “where did she get that idea?” instead of wondering about why. Anyway...after I got over the shock of it, I called her into my room to talk about it. She said she wasn’t really trying to cut herself, just trying to “relieve some stress”. We told her we both loved her and wanted her to feel like she could come to us to talk if she feels stress and that we weren’t mad, just concerned. The school also said they would get the school counselor to meet with her the next morning. So that was an unexpected glitch in my plan to look totally happy and carefree in the presence of my H.
Since I don’t leave for my pool league until 6:30 and it was only 5:00, I made the kids some dinner and offered some to H who accepted. We ate at the dining room table and he talked about work and current events and then showed me a bunch of funny videos on YouTube. It was all so normal. I didn’t finish my dinner (I till get a bit nauseous being around him) so he reached over and helped himself to the rest of my meal...like he used to. After dinner, he helped himself to a piece of pie (he bought it the day before) and a glass of milk. Again...like everything is totally normal. Made me reflect, again, on the stupidity of this entire situation. That he is unwilling to try to make things work between us in order to preserve everything that we have worked for and instead, chooses to blow it all up for a chance at - what? A responsibility-free life? The chance to parent someone else’s kids? IF that happens, it will be very difficult for his kids to understand considering how little they see him.
Had a nice talk with my MIL when I got home from pool. [BTW... I only lost one game last night because the guy broke and ran the table. I played really, really well. Maybe all this drama is good for my pool game??? I guess that is one bonus...lol.] She is still struggling to understand all this. Has lots of questions for her son that she doesn’t want to ask for some reason. She said it is very unsettling to feel like you don’t know your only son and have no idea who he really is. It has hit her harder than she lets on. We talked a bit about Christmas. Her plan is to be with me and the kids and let my H do what he is going to do. She is all about the grandkids these days. She also told me a story about a friend of hers who had been married for years and that her husband just up and left one day. She also said that friend was very controlling so she kind of understood why he did. However, her H returned after a year and they ended up living happily ever after.
I was thinking about New Years too. Last year, I spent it in Mexico with my H and our family. The year before, I am pretty sure he was not home and possibly the year before that too. Not sure. I have blocked it from my memory. Anyway... I am going to take a page from FS’s book and have a party. The one thing I do not want to be doing that night is sitting around wondering what my H is doing. So I want to be surrounded by friends and people who care about me. He can do what he wants.
