I woke up this morning with that anxious feeling and my heart racing. I used to wake up like this the first three months back in June, July and August. If stopped in September when I was starting to feel stronger and started a 180. Now it’s back.
My mind goes back and forth between thinking I want to be with him and I don’t want to be with him because he didn’t treat me well. That what I’m missing is the comfort of what I knew and having someone, anyone around. What I’m fearing is the unknown.
I didn’t contact him via text yesterday. I did, in the afternoon, send him an email with our nanny’s updated schedule, which he had been expecting. I told him our nanny might take the kids Saturday night when it’s my night with the kids because her daughter wants to take them to Disney on Ice for her birthday. Given that, I wasn’t going to wait around while they went and would likely attend a banquet that would bring me home late. Thus, the kids would sleep at her house (our parenting plan requires we inform the other parent if the kids are sleeping at someone else’s house). He replied “The kids are spending a lot of time at her house. I would take them but I’m going out of town this weekend.” His judgemental comment about the kids spending a lot of time at their nanny’s house irked me because it’s really not true. I wondered if me mentioning a banquet I was attending spurred it. His comment that he’s going out of town stirred the “Where is he going and with who?” thoughts in my head. I did not reply or react, though, and left it at that.
Someone tell me that D isn’t the end. Anyone have or heard of R stories after divorce or during the divorce process?
