Don't stress too much about what is being dredged up out of the bilges and tossed across at you. None of it is anything that can be changed. The past is the past and you've taken ownership of your issues.
One thing I can suggest is to think of this forum as a community. You've had a number of people come to call. Go around to other people's threads and check their stories. It helped me to let me know that I wasn't alone in my struggles. If you comment on their threads - even if it's just a "I hear ya" - or "You're doing great" - they will come visiting here as well.
Getting diverse feedback on your situation from people who are going through the same cr@p as you will give you perspective and strength. I know that I formed some very strong bonds, some of which I still have with quite a number of people here.
I'm not sure how philosophical you are. You strike me as a very practical man, but reading up on the Stockdale paradox has helped a number of people. Knowing that you will make it through this and come out the other side a better person can add strength. The paradox is that you have no idea what that other side would be and you have to go through h@ll to get there.
Good luck!
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
