sjohn, I have wondered where you were! I was happy to see you post and to see you stop by my thread, thank you!

I just wanted to say --

CHOOSE YOUR KIDS! And tell them you are choosing them! Tell them you had this plan but you realized that you really missed them and didn't want to lose even a half day of the time you get to see them, and that even being in the house when they are upstairs watching TV is way more important to you than a camping trip with anyone anytime. They will love it! As a woman who has spent her life since being a teen working with teens, I assure you -- from what I read here, your daughter is clearly really struggling, and the thought of her locked in her room kills me, and I don't even know her beyond a few lines I have read in your posts. She is hurting.

I have made the decision to give up so much of my life just to be available for my son any time he wants or needs me, just for these couple of years when he wants that. Think of how fast the baby years went by, and all the times that you wished you had taken even more joy of that time. The teen years are the same, but in addition, her emotional needs as a teen girl with a crazy mom are beyond what you can imagine. I was that girl though maybe my mom was more crazy than your W. My dad was not an MLCer but he was pretty difficult and did many hurtful things. If I had had a dad like you, things would have been very different. Maybe I wouldn't even have ended up with a future crazy husband if I hadn't been so screwed up in the parent-attachment department.

I don't mean to be dramatic, but I am not going to be kindly polite about it like my boards-best-friend DnJ. I'm gonna be vehement and bossy. I don't think you should worry about your future relationship with your brothers-in-law on any level; I think you should keep enjoying their company when they initiate it. But I think you should invite them to be with you and your kids more often than being with them alone as "bros." Either way,I would drop anything and everything any time your kids not only need you, which might be obvious, but just when they kinda want you. So many times I have sensed that my son wanted me to be near, even when he was being a royal pain in my rear and was just playing video games and occasionally barking out orders for food. And every single time, after being terrible to me, by the time I went to sleep, he was pouring out his heart to me, holding my hand to fall asleep, asking me for a hot water bottle (he carries stress in his belly) and just leaning with all his soul into me. (Something I can only bear up under by leaning with all my soul into God!)

I am so happy you can be there for your S and D. You are a wonderful dad. So happy I know so many wonderful dads here.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.