Thank you aYorkie, that is a wonderful thought. Thanks to all of you for your wisdom. So I decided to visit parents in Europe and am surprised that I am actually kind of looking forward to it, while before I was dreading the thought of the holidays. While there I will meet some longtime close friends and the kids are so excited. Just need to book the flights now.
Otherwise my feelings are spinning and I am mad at myself about how much I let H influence my mood and feelings. The weekend was almost to nice at home, he is looking at me, smiling, we actually played a round of ping pong together( ok I have to admit I initiated that) and were actually laughing. All this makes me feel good and I almost loose contact with reality, that he is moving out. But the signs are everywhere and I wonder how does this go together and I know I should not even wonder....then S15 says to me: I think dad does not really want a separation he told me he still wants to help you with the house, he just feels he needs to move out. That made me kind of mad. I don’t want someone who feels responsible for me, but someone who loves me! And that is obviously not what H wants, so I just need to get detached!!!....but still the friendliness is better than the cold we had before, even if it makes distancing harder
