Thank you FS. I think my biggest worry is that my kids will end up being people who think that divorce is the first option when you feel dissatisfied with your life as opposed to the last option once all other options have been exhausted. I agree there are kids who do well with separated parents and how parents interact post-divorce has much to do with that. I also know that kids from broken marriages have scars nonetheless and that overall, it is a harder road for them. I am a child therapist and most of my client list is made up of kids from divorce, kids with multiple half and step siblings who have confusing family trees and kids with largely unavailable parents (mostly fathers, sad to say). And some from homes where parents are in constant conflict and verbally and/or physically abusive towards one another. That was not my marriage. We rarely fought. In hindsight, I wish we had fought more. That my H had been more honest with me and less fearful of conflict. Maybe we could have worked some of this stuff out. So...I have big challenges ahead of me and as DnJ said, I will draw on my core values and beliefs to guide my way. I hear you on the forcing to choose part. I don’t plan on doing that but I also know my H. As soon as he thinks he can get away with it, he will be out there looking for another partner so he can distract himself from the guilt he feels when he looks at me and thinks about everything he has done. I hope that when that happens, I will be in a place where that won’t affect me much. Here and now, it is tough for me to imagine but I am hoping I will get there step-by-step...eventually.
