[Living]

Wow Living I am very impressed with you. Most newbies confidence is shot and don't have a clue or a plan and usually make matters worse.

Let's talk about:

Set your boundaries.
Are you familiar with boundaries? They are not ultimatums. Please come here and run it by the board before you set any.

Enforce your boundaries.
These can be tough if you are not willing to D.

List out your non-negotiables. Do you know what they are?

LH19 I’m a person who has been through a lot in life. I’ve been strong for a long time. Now make no mistake this hurts like hell. However, I guess I find peace in knowing that it’s not me. It’s him. There is nothing I could do differently to make my husband realize that cheating on me and being deceptive is wrong. That’s on him. That’s a character flaw in him. No matter what was going on in our marriage he made a CHOICE to cheat on me. There were other options he could have taken like say...communicatiing there was a problem. No one put a gun to his head and made him cheat.

I’m not giving him any ultimatums. That never works. Like a kid he will just rebel.

I’m familiar with boundaries. I’m not totally clear on what I want all my boundaries to be. I’ll come back with that. For now I’m just focusing on me. I do have one boundary and that’s he won’t be getting any sex from me. If that makes him go get it elsewhere...oh well. The way I see it, he’ll do that no matter what.

We do communicate daily. He still calls at least once while he’s at work. He still calls when he’s on his way home from work. I’m not rude or petty. I’m just firm in that there will be no sex. This is hard as heck. But I have too much respect for myself to become my own husbands booty call.

Last year after he cheated, I worked to get him back. Now if he wants me back, he will have to work for me. And this time around, it won’t be easy.