Advice for newcomer pre- bomb drop.

[SteveLW]

Bern thanks for posting that, as brutal as it was. I know all of us feel for you in having to have found out the way that you did.

However, I think your tale is a cautionary one for other LBS' that are tempted to confront the OP in their WAS's A. The truth is, as you've found out, is that the AP is not the problem. The R with your W is. Confronting the AP (and I did it in my W's first EA in 2005) is akin to putting a bandaid on the stump of a severed limb. You haven't really dealt with the problem in totality. And now you are constantly looking over your shoulder wondering. Unfortunately, when we "ruin" a WAS's A (like so many of us want to do!) they will blame us for getting in the way of their happiness. Another anti-D expert that I've read and followed, terms it this way. "Do you really want to force your W to stay with you? The way you'd cage a wild animal? Or do you want her to come back of her own volition, wanting to be with you, and wanting to work on the MR?"

Who wants to be with someone that keeps wanting to get away? That is why confronting rarely works.

So Bern, are you doubling down on DB? Detach....GAL.....180s? That may be the only thing that saves your marriage.