[Living]

You have a WH. He wants his cake and eat it too. The best thing you can do is take his cake away from him, like you did with the first affair. "You can't have me AND her."

Look she lives in Hawaii. He knows it is a pipe-dream, but it will linger on as an EA only as long as you let it.

I agree he wants his cake and wants to eat it too. However, he won't be eating this cake anymore. And believe me, it is killing him. He is begging and pursuing me like a madman. Each time he pursues me, I just shoot him down. He doesn't seem to understand what is going on. Yesterday he told me that he loves and that he knows that I still love him and that I'm just acting like I'm not. So sad...

Oh and as far as the chick in Hawaii, he met her once at the bar when he was there. Yes, they exchanged numbers. She is going through a divorce and told him that she wouldn't even entertain him as long as he was married. I honestly don't believe anything happened between those two beyond what he said. Plus I read the text message she sent him saying that she hoped they stayed connected but he needed to be divorced before they could get to know each other. The truth is, this is not about her. This is about him. I'm married to him. This is about the fact that he thinks just because he is "unhappy" that he can go and try to cheat or start something up with someone else. The message he is missing is that he is trying to find happiness in people and things. He hasn't yet realized that happiness comes from within. So he is trying to start up new relationships thinking that will fix things or make him happy. What he fails to realize is that he has some internal issues that need to be addressed/resolved and until he works through those issues, he will just take them from relationship to relationship.

He has to get to this clarity on his own, I can't force him to see this. I'm no longer trying to control him and what he does. The only person I can control is myself. So I am working on me.