She said she hated him for it and that she was sure, that he was clearly not over his divorce yet, however if he wrote to her, she didn't know if she would go back to him, however as of now, she really hated him - I just listened, but I absolutely did not validate or show sympathy towards that part of the conversation, I just let her talk.
GOOD! Validation has its place but NOTHING regarding OP should be validated, ever. It's OK to sympathize with her feelings in regards to why she became a WAS, but that doesn't mean you should validate the WRONG things she does after becoming a WAS.
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She then wrote that she in fact did not have any contact with him since the middle of last week, and therefore she hadn't been lying to me about it yesterday.
OMG. I swear the way some WAS's think is just astounding. She talked to him all night and all morning but that is OK because yesterday she hadn't talked to him a few days so technically it's not lying. THAT IS BS. Absence of info is STILL lying. The moment she reestablished contact with him and didn't inform you about it AFTER SAYING IT WAS OVER ONLY HOURS BEFORE she entered the Liar Zone.
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She told me that she didn't know where she stood with OM at this point in time, wether she wanted to be with him or not.
I did not respond to the text but simply deleted it.
That is good but you need to back that up with complete darkness. Zero contact, no cuddling on the couch, no long talks. Just shut the door on all of that because you need to send her a clear message- you want nothing to do with a lying cheater. Period.
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She will be home today before me. I don't know if I reacted out of way, but as I see it. She is exploring (cake eating) and I am fed up with that behavior. She either chooses to be with us, or we do like this, and stop playing family.
I will be content, smiling and generally look happy around her - but I will tell her, that she can't have both things at once, and that is why I removed her things - bad idea? good idea?
I think it's a good idea but I would refrain from putting on a happy face around her. Be stern and unmoving. You're sending her a message that the cake-eating is over. And that's a message she needs to hear AND see.
