A new mindset for Burned. This is thread 7.

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I will admit that I’m handling it better than I would have a couple months ago. For example, just now I thought about asking her why, if she took down all of the little tchotchkes that remind her of me, and put them all in a box...why did she keep that one specific thing, a very meaningful wedding gift from my sister, and leave it in a very obvious visible place next to her favorite things? She’s trying to get rid of me but she intentionally put that there where she can see it. Or was it to manipulate me? No idea.

Accept that as growth and a positive and be proud that you didnt. Who knows why she kept it. Maybe it's pretty. Maybe she likes the reminder of you and her past life. Maybe she just wanted to mess with your head. Again, theres no way to know. And even if she tells you, is it true? Is she lying to you? to herself? The answer just doesnt matter.

But I just now almost texted her to ask about it, since I really don’t have much to lose. But then that would be pursuit, and it would be a setback, and she would immediately freak out...and IF anything I do is going to make a difference in her heart, it’s that I’m not pursuing.

It's this line of stinkin thinkin that I found really set me back. What do you mean "nothing to lose"? This isnt a football game where the clock ends at 0:00 and you have to try something when youre losing and time is running out. This is your LIFE and you have your whole life left to live. Nobody throws a hail mary in the middle of the second quarter and then walks off the field. Your back is only against the wall because youre putting it thee by emphasizing her and this divorce so strongly to yourself.

Every time I think I’m almost detached, then something happens that makes me realize I was only at 20% or something. I need to be more patient, and I know there are people who have gotten through this even when they thought all was lost. Well, if it’s about my own survival, all is NOT lost. But I feel fairly certain that W will not be a part of my life for very much longer. And that’s sad. I’m trying to reframe this as HER loss, but it won’t feel that way until I get my confidence back.

Detachment is a hard, cyclical, up-and-down process. It takes time, patience, perseverance and discipline. Youll get there if you keep at it. The last line of this is perfectly said.

GAL last night was board games, we played a game called Citadels. Then some dice games and card games. For some reason it didn’t cheer me up the way I was hoping it would.

Eh, youre allowed to have "down" nights. I wouldnt worry about it. GAL is way harder than it sounds. When youre feeling at your lowest, youre supposed to go out and have a good time with people you dont know? sounds ludicrous. My second game night I went to a few days before our official S started, I left halfway through because I wanted to come home and see my XW. As if, me leaving early helped to show her how important she was to me. You can imagine how much impact that had...Anyway, keep at it. It's helping you more than you realize.

Today I left the apartment to go to the local farmers market. More reminders of her and what we used to do together. So now I’m going for a drive to a nearby town just to have a change of scenery. At least I’m not in bed. Might go see my parents but that’s a 2-hour drive.

I know Ive told this story before, but I went to see the Avengers 2 movie about a month after our S and sobbed through the whole movie. AVENGERS. It's like the least sappy movie, and images of families and happy couples and whatever in a freaking SUPERHERO movie made me uncontrollaby sad. So I get it that there are all kinds of painful reminders out there. It's not easy, but with time, the pain will subside.

When I woke up this morning I had a strange feeling. “What if I’m stuck like this?” Pretty scary. At least then I realized that I can’t be stuck like this and it’s on me to do something about it. So I started reading The Happiness Advantage. There are some interesting ideas in there. I’m going to have to just try again and start putting in the effort to change my mindset.

Perfectly said.
Can you add this to your goals? How are they coming?

no signs of improvement in the sitch (primarily due to my own inaction) I’m anticipating a pretty dark season approaching.

Over said this perfectly. You reap what you sow. Keep your PMA and you will make your own season.

“Crawling through broken glass in a raging inferno,” I like that. That’s a good description.

You ever see Shawshank Redemption? The main character has to crawl through a literal tunnel of sewage to get freedom. That's basically how this process goes. Theres only one way through the pain and thats through the pain. You have to experience it to get to the other side. Sure, you can turn around and go back into the prison, but if you want your freedom, your independence, your happiness, thats the direction you have to go. Theres no shortcuts, no easy buttons. You can do it!