TJT, I started a new book this weekend, “The subtle art of not giving a F@$K”. It is worth a read and may help you with some of your wondering. It really puts into persepective what happiness is and how to achieve it. Long story short, do you really want to go back to how things were? All of the emotions we are feeling as the LBS, all of the pain and suffering, it is all a necasary part of the human body and mind to alert us to danger. Similar to physical pain it is signalling us that something is drastically wrong and we need to learn from this in order to protect ourselves. Think touching a hot stove. The physical pain teaches us not to do that again. In much the same way the emotional pain we are all going through is teaching us to change so we don’t get hurt again. Until very recently I had the same mindset as you, “once we were so happy”, “we were the couple everyone looked to for how the perfect marriage worked”. In all honestly I was lying to myself daily and should have drastically changed or pulled th plug long ago. I am learning at an alarming pace that I want nothing to do with my previous marriage. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with WAW any more, that is still all I truly want. But I want a divorce from our previous relationship. The question I face now is, is W really capable of ever giving me the type of relationship I want assuming she decides o give it a shot don the road. If having things “How they were” really was so great none of us would be on this forum.
I have this book but yet to read it. This is the right attitude and one I now have myself. I don't want to D but know it will happen as there is not a chance my W will ever change and I wouldn't want to R unless she changed, so I am purely just trying to move on now.
